I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You are the jesus of drinking
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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