just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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