Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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