I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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