everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He did a backflip because drugs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize