The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
