But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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