I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
