I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
