Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
