I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
