Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
