what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
