i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
