i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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