one might say we're banned from that church
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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