So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
