i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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