every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
