Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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