All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
