I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
