The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
