let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
