A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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