Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sarcasm needs its own font
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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