He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
