I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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