WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
