I bet he comes in French.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
