D3 body, D1 cock
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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