Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
