I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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