Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
