the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
