A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We left the knife in your bed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
