why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
