im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
