what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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