lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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