she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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