We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We had to coat check the pizza.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
