I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
