So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
