I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
