I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize