If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize