he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
