We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
