My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
