You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
