I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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