You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
