This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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