Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
