just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
