i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
