Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
