Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
