I'm gonna have a badass scar
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
