I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
