UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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