My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
