yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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