I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think your dad took our porno
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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