Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize