I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
