Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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