drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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