Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
