What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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