I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
