The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So. Much. Porn.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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