1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
