can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
