so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
