We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
