Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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