The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
