You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
