my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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