I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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