I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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