I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize