hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
