Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
