I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
