How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
