she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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