There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
