she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
