Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
