dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
