Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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