Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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