Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
