If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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