so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
