Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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